He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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