Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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