Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
