i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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