That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
