He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize