Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize