Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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