Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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