i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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