Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
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