If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We named our party play list daddy issues
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize