you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
