I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
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