im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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