Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize