Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
