i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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