the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
