I will die if light touches me.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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