Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
