Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
