What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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