u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I love having hate sex.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
