Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
