Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
