I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
