Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
