i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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