today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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