there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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