did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
