An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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