I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
