I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
