I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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