Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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