well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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