my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
