awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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