It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
