You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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