Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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