We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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