she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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