I can't breathe out the right side of my face
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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