Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
