my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Girls should come with a carfax report
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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