I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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