I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
