I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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