I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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