I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
