some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
