he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
