How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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