wrigley field is MILF paradise
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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