i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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