Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
