At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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