she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
