She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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