Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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