Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Slut skills are useful in every country.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Also, beer. Big fan.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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