if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
