the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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