The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
