mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
