Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
