sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
