if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
